No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
