Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize