omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
