I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
