i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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