then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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