no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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