Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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