Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
