her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
