Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
