mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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