Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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