you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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