Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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