Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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