call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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