I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
