my vag is so smooth its legendary
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
