That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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