i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
