please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
