well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
