Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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