party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
