I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
