in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
