Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
