i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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