so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
