i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
