Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I will die if light touches me.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
