Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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