Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize