her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
