i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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