that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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