when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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