just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
high people should be assigned attendants
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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