you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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