1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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