There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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