I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
