A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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