I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
accomplished twins. life is a go
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
