you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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