So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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