Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
