you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
