I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
