Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
