Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
bring money and cleavage
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
