I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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