He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
