We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize