so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You're a waste of cheezeits
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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