I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
