you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Be still, my beating vagina.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
