last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
