She is in my trunk
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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