Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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