I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Houston, we have a blender
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
This is classic penis vs brain.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
