I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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