this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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