you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
