He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
