Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
