and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
