it hurts more in the daytime
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
