Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
