When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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