It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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