she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
