Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
