she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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