i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
