I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
