I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
