I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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