You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
