i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize