Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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