I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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