i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
