the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
