if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
