I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
