I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
